Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my being single is dangerous.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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