I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize