Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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