You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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