Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
