is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
