i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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