Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
