Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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