The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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