I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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