My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
