Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
