Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
