i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
