im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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