I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
