oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
