you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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