You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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