Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
