dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize