I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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