I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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