I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
