Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
