If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
