"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
