PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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