: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I cut my penus on the lid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
