He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
