So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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