That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
