Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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