id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
