I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
