this beer tastes like vomit already
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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