Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
