turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
