She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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