I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
