Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
