the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
