screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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