you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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