I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
