At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
