does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize