They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize