i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
