This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
