you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
