YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She bit a glass in half.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
