I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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