Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
