If i come over, it means nothing
I can text with my tongue
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
