it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
