My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
