Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
