Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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