They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
