how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
