who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
