Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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