I just cut my nipple shaving
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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